Living My Life in a Slow Hell
by KathyBoPeep
Summary: One shot inspired by the song "Pictures".


_Livin' my life in a slow hell_

_Different girl every night at the hotel  
_  
_I ain't seen the sun shine in 3 damn days_

_Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whisky_

Jane opened her eyes slowly, goddamn it was bright outside. She took a moment to just breathe and process what had happened the night before. Where was she? She was not at her apartment, that's for sure. The book of used matches on the armoire indicated that she was staying at "The Traveller's Inn" Where was that, even? Was she still in Boston?

She squinted at the sunlight that was amplifying her headache. She rolled over, looking over the side of the bed, onto the floor. There was her phone, her keys, and an altoids tin. Her phone said she had two missed texts and a voicemail. Could someone turn off the sun, please?

She grabbed her phone and pulled the itchy blanket over her head. Finally in the comfort of her dark cocoon, she hit the unlock button and typed in her passcode correctly (after three attempts, mistyping the last digit of 0817.) One text was from Maura, and one was from Frankie.

Maura ❤(5:06 a.m.): I found your picture today.

Frankie the FartFace(9:45 a.m.): Maura is looking for you Janie.

Jane skipped right over the voicemail; her head hurt too much to listen to anyone yelling at her.

_Wish I had a good girl to miss me_

_Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways_

_I put your picture away_

_Sat down and cried today_

Jane felt a bout of nausea hit her like a tidal wave. She jumped out of bed, cursing the sun that was still spilling into her shitty little room. The room was cold, she hadn't turned the heat on when she got here. When did she get here?

The revolting of her stomach seemed to settle slightly when she got to the bathroom. She threw some water on her face and looked at herself in the mirror. She had periorb- no- under eye circles. She had under eye circles. She sat down on the cold linoleum of the bathroom floor, and hung her head. She needed to apologize to Maura for running out. It's just… Jane was dealing with a lot right now.

Jane took out her phone and let her finger hover over the little telephone icon by Maura's name. Instead, she clicked on the avatar and just stared at her beautiful face. When was the last time they had spoken? Well, according to her phone, it was Thursday so that meant it had been almost a week. A week since Jane had gotten so drunk at the bar that she had fallen asleep in her cruiser in front of their home, too ashamed to go inside. She had done the unthinkable, she had broken her vows. She hadn't even cheated, she had just considered it. That's what scared her the most. That's why she had gotten so drunk.

_I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to her_

_I put your picture away, sat down and cried today_

_I can't look at you, while I'm lyin next to her_

Jane didn't even realize that she was crying until a little blob landed on Maura's photo on her phone. How could she do that to her? How could she think about cheating on her wife?

* * *

__

I called you last night in the hotel

_Everyone knows but they won't tell_

_But their half hearted smiles tell me_

_Somethin' just ain't right_

Maura dabbed at her eyes with the handkerchief that Barold had slipped onto her desk earlier. She could tell it was Jane's from the scent. If she inhaled long enough, she could smell the cedar musk unique to her wife. Was she still her wife? Maura didn't know anymore.

She got a phone call from Bert at the motel down in Quincy. The motel was notorious for drug exchanges as well as sex trafficking. Apparently Jane had stumbled into the place demanding a room for one, emphasis on one. Well, Bert had sadly been pretty friendly with Maura since she had to travel out there a lot for work. So, he called her and told her that Detective Rizzoli was there and not lucid. That was… four days ago?

_I been waitin' on you for a long time_

_Fuelin' up on heartaches and cheap wine_

_I ain't heard from you in 3 damn nights_

Maura stood from her desk and slowly walked towards the elevator. She was not in the right space to be doing anything at work right now. Besides, technically she and Jane were supposed to be at a B&B in Newton. But, Jane had disappeared in another one of her drunken tantrums after the doctor had put her foot down. She was not dealing with her trauma correctly, and it was going to lead to the heroic detective's early demise.

Maura missed Jane greatly; she knew that whoever was in her wife's body right now was not who she married. This was pent up aggression and too many let downs embodied in a mid life crisis. Maura loaded her things into her car and drove to Jane's apartment to wait; she would come home when she wanted to.

_I put your picture away_

_I wonder where you been_

_I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him_

* * *

What time was it? It was already noon, damnit. Maura would have been up by now. She really needed to call her. But… how do you explain to your wife that you can't look her in the eyes anymore but you dulled the light in them?

How could Jane take her beautiful cheeks in-between her hands and break her heart with just a few words?

How could Jane watch the only successful relationship that her wife ever had extinguish, reduced to smoke and ashes?

How could Jane be responsible for ruining the only thing on this planet greater than life itself?

How could she?

_I put your picture away_

_I wonder where you been_

_I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him_

Finally, the phone screen went black after a while. What was Jane doing? Maura was better off without her. She had only caused heartbreak and despair. Suddenly, Jane had a vision of Maura with Dennis and remembered how happy Maura had been. Maybe she was better off…

The image of the two of them being..together made Jane kneel towards the toilet again. What if Maura already had? No, she would never do that. She wasn't Jane, she'd never think about cheating on her wife.

* * *

Maura walked into the squad room and towards Korsak's desk. In lieu of Jane being here, they had hired Frankie to sub in her spot. Maura had no idea why Jane had left, but the fact that she hadn't even gotten a simple message, in the month she'd been gone, spoke more than any text could.

"Vince, pardon me, have you heard anything about the type of paint used on the van?" Maura asked.

"Not yet Doc, did you see Jane's back from her stint in New York?" Korsak asked, motioning towards BRIC where her wife was sitting with her brother and Frost.

_I saw ya yesterday with an old friend_

Jane looked up and made eye contact with her wife, grimacing, she'd been caught.

_It was the same ole same "how have you been" _  
_Since you been gone my worlds been dark & grey_

Maura stifled a cry at the sight of Jane. She had lost weight, which was obvious by her hollow cheekbones and bony arms. She was just a body anymore really, the will to live had been on pause the moment Jane walked out of her life.

* * *

'Good lord Rizzoli, how could you have left this? Look at her' Jane thought to herself.

_I thought about you for a long time_

_Can't seem to get you off my mind_

_I can't understand why we're living life this way_

_I found your picture today_

_I swear I'll change my ways_

Maura was just as beautiful as the last time Jane had laid eyes on her. She looked at Jane with the saddest eyes, and turned away, quickly walking towards the elevator.

'Well, this was it Jane. What are you going to do?' Jane mulled over her options

_I found your picture today_

_I swear I'll change my ways_

She followed Maura into the elevator, looking into her teary hazel eyes. She had put those tears there, she deserved everything.

"Maura, can we talk?" Jane pleaded quietly, hope that there was some room in Maura's heart for her again.

"Yes we can Jane, yes we can" Maura threaded their fingers together. They hadn't broken, but they had cracked and this was them starting over.

_I just called to say I want you to come back home_

_I just called to say, I love you come back home_

:


End file.
